Let's Watch A Cleveland Browns Fan Dunk His Head In Urine
It’s been a while since I’ve done this but I just saw this now – apparently someone in Cleveland bet another “marginally educated” Browns fan $450 to dunk his head into a five-gallon drum of urine. The good news here is that urine is sterile. Let’s do this DVD-commentary-style:
0:01 - Where the fuck did anyone in Cleveland find money? Before we belittle this man for dousing himself in urine, we should step back and put ourselves in his shoes. Living conditions in Cleveland are roughly the same as in Tunisia.
(This is just a humor website. My apologies to anyone reading this who actually lives in Tunisia. I meant no disrespect to your country.)
0:11 - I love the drunken cheering on. “You have to man, it’s…well, frankly I haven’t had a coherent thought for the last eleven years.”
0:40 - “Well, you’ve got everybody watching now.” “Yeah, you can’t back out now.” Really, if you backed out now what WILL your grandchildren think of you? You couldn’t even look them in the eye.
0:49 - “[Your wife] will never know. Ever. You can trust us.” Sure. This is uploaded to YouTube but those drunken redneck assholes lips are sealed.
1:16 - He’s taking off his shirt at this point, which is odd, because if I had to wipe up urine off the floor the first thing I would look for would be a useless article of clothing, like a Cleveland Browns shirt.
1:23 - Now we have side bets. Clearly there’s a lot of money to be had here if the urine-head-dunking circuit ever came to Cleveland.
1:43 - Why do I not know about the story about the five-gallon bucket of urine? How did this come to be? How many people put a concerted effort into filling a five-gallon drum full of urine? There are a lot of logistics to work out in this bet, let alone how many banks this guy had to rob in Ohio to find $450 US dollars.
1:49 - It’s $449? He got shorted a buck? THIS WASN’T PART OF THE DEAL, BROWNS FANS! THIS WASN’T PART!!!!!
2:00 - Sir, you are seriously pushing the limits of the sanitizing cream that you just rubbed on your hair.
2:04 - “Seriously, don’t do it.” BREAKING NEWS: PEOPLE IN CLEVELAND MIGHT HAVE A CONSCIENCE. FILM OF SOME ASSHOLE DUNKING HIS HEAD INTO A BUCKET OF URINE AT ELEVEN.
2:27 - The countdown was wise. No one can resist a countdown.
2:33 - And that was it. One second of action. Much like the average sexual encounter of someone from Cleveland ZING.
2:58 - “So, we have ten grand and a horse that will probably sodomize you…”
3:04 - “It will be worth it in the end man…” Note there are no other takers. As an anonymous person watching this, I highly doubt it. Even if it will pay the rent on your mobile trailer for three months.
Coincidentally, I believe this is at a tailgating party, which means someone has to sit next to some asshole who showered in urine this morning. That must be…well, probably a pretty typical Cleveland Browns fan experience.