BRANDON WEEDEN IS THE APT METAPHOR OF THE WEEK
Come see Brandon Weeden getting lost under the American flag:
Oh man. I really like the way that Weeden is pushing up against the flag underneath it, sort of like a cat stuck in a blanket. There are sooooo many fucking ways to take this as a metaphor. Here are some of the ones that I came up with while pretending to work:
• I assume that, anytime the flag touches the ground or a Browns player, that we have to burn it;
• This does not bode well for Weeden’s awareness in the pocket;
• I hope Mike Holmgren can pack his shit up faster than that;
• I honestly expected Eagles DE Trent Cole to come out from under the flag with the football instead of Brandon Weeden;
• Note that the cameraman had a great shot of Weeden fumbling around under the flag but left his post to help Weeden out from under there instead of filming – I hope he’s fucking fired;
• This is particularly poignant as Weeden threw one less interception that Michael Vick but somehow had a quarterback rating of ten points less than Vick at the end of the game;
• Maybe having an offense with a 58-year-old rookie quarterback and a running back going on his third knee replacement isn’t such a fucking great idea.
I think I’ll go with “America Looks Best When Hiding Cleveland”. Maybe next year the Browns can draft a seeing eye dog to help Weeden out in the pocket. (He barks when the pass rush gets close! Also at planes.) Once again, a damn fine job by our armed forces.