Seriously, What the FUCK: SCABOCPALYSE
That’s it, the scabby scab refs finally reached the inevitable point of no fucking return, and unfortunately it happened during the Seattle-Green Bay Monday Night Football game in our favor. But we’ve finally reached the absolute worst point in football thanks to these fucking assclowns and now it is time to FUCKING BURN EVERYTHING. Roger Goodell has led us to a fucking pit of despair and has fucking zero credibility. The prissy fucker will suspend and fine anyone taps a quarterback and then hires scab replacement refs from whoever would work for free soup. The scab refs are making the fucking games illegitimate and make midget sex orgies seem orderly. After all the fucking bullshit about the Saints’ bounty scandal and the large suspensions for the players with dubious evidence, all in the fucking name of “player safety”, Goodell hands the safety of the game over to a bunch of fucksticks with all the authority of a monkey jamming a flashlight into its asshole.
These mouthbreathers have absolutely no fucking idea what the rules are. Or what a RULE IS. They are completely clueless, and not about some of the more complicated bullshit like what is the legal way to murder the gunner on punts. These officials can’t keep track of three time outs. EVERY FUCKING WEEK. And worst of all these fucking morons have to huddle up and take 10 fucking minutes to discuss every fucking call. And these are still wrong.
And now the SCABOCPALYSE has happened, and it is ANARCHY. No players or coaches remotely respect the refs. Everybody is holding, fighting, interfering and molesting (Roethlisberger) all over the field because everyone knows that these refs are in way over their fucking heads and they can get away with it. This is all ROGER SHITSTAIN GOODELL’S FUCKING FAULT. Goodell is causing the NFL to be a fucking mockery because he wants to break the referee’s union and IT IS RUINING AMERICA. The NFL is a fucking Three Stooges’ level highlight reel every fucking week. This week I’ll just fucking go to the games where the refs fucked up most egregiously (they fucked up everywhere) because it’s late, no one reads this anymore and you fuckers are getting in the way of Borderlands 2.
STL 6 @ CHI 23 Jay Cutler once again started with 5/8, 47 passing yards and a pick against the impressive St. Louis defense. Jay Cutler’s official explanation for the interception was “magnetic field disruption”.
TB 14 @ DAL 16 Look at this fantastic play!
Hey, I took the under on this game too! The refs and I have that in common.
DET 41 @ TEN 44 Matt Stafford’s accuracy was a question mark coming out of the draft and it appears to be on the verge of being a major problem this year if it wasn’t for his other question mark, durability, knocking him out first. This was a wild game, going back and forth and fortunately wasn’t fucking televised.
The fourth quarter featured a Tennessee 105-yard kick return for a TD, a Nate Washington touchdown pass, and a Shawn Hill appearance to put Tennessee up. Then! A Titus Young pass that was caught with 0:00 time left to tie the game in overtime, which was decided by a Titans field goal and a miscommunications on fourth-and-one for the Lions that caused them to run a play instead of kicking a field goal. Do I blame the refs for the miscommunication? No. I blame the refs for NOT FUCKING TELEVISING THIS GAME NATIONALLY. FUCK YOU. IT WAS REALLY GOOD. Fuck, here’s a gif.
JAC 22 @ IND 17 Here:
NYJ 23 @ MIA 20 This was a really close game, although I’m not sure I would call this good football. Look at LOLTEBOWCAT:
Tebow is still a fucking backup and decoy, yet every fucking few seconds the camera will undoubtedly track Tebow’s fucking movements on the sideline. Staring into space? TEBOW CAM. Looking at the playbook? PRETEND LITERATE CAM. Fucking picking his nose? IN-DEPTH NASAL CAM. How the game was won:
Ireland iced the kicker when his team blocked the kick; they got it on the second try. I really wished the crowd would have chanted “FIRE YOURSELF” after the loss. Oh, additionally Bart Scott was called for illegal contact on the first-down marker on third-and-three. You can’t be called for illegal contact until after five yards from scrimmage.
SF 13 @ MIN 24 Apparently on the opening kickoff the referees tried to give the 49ers an illegal block in the back penalty while the 49ers were the kicking team. Near the end of the game 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh basically yelled his way into getting free challenges. The first came when Vikings running back Toby Gerhart was ruled down by contact before dropping the football. The 49ers blew a timeout (their last) to review and then told referee Ken Roan that they were challenging the play. Roan accepted this, even though you have to have a timeout to challenge a play – in case, you know, you lose the challenge. Even though the replay showed that the whistle blew before Gerhart fumbled the 49ers got the ball anyway. The 49ers went on to challenge another play sans any timeouts, and this time they would “lose” the challenge and the refs never fucking knew they were playing with house money.
KC 27 @ NO 24 This was overturned on replay:
As you can see Pierre Thomas was not touched and apparently the ball never hit the ground, but yeah. No respect for the French surrender monkeys. This game would go on to see the Chiefs come back from a 24-6 deficit to win the game in overtime. Sure, the Saints’ secondary is a fucking whorehouse, but still.
CIN 38 @ WAS 31 I don’t even know what the fuck this was in reference to but Kyle Shanahan (offensive coordinator of the Redskins, son of Mike Shanahan, because nepotism is awesome) ran in after the refs into the tunnel shouting “You have no fucking balls, you are a fucking pussy.” When was the last time a Shanahan ever said anything that wasn’t true? I believe the son of the rat faced liar completely. UPDATE: Fined $25,000.
ATL 27 @ SD 3 You know, I went to the bar for the second half of the games because I thought this game would be really fucking good and the Oakland game would fucking suck? Fuck. I should have known better – with the replacement refs there would probably be drive by shootings in the Pittsburgh/Oakland game ON THE FIELD. I do not make good long-term decisions.
PIT 31 @ OAK 34 The dirty hit that wasn’t called in this game (helmet-to-helmet hit on Darius Heyward-Bay that got him hauled off on the stretcher after 10 minutes of checking on him) wasn’t even the most egregious uncalled dirty hit of the quarter. However, incensed by a (probably correct) chop block call, Larry Foote told the refs “You should all go kill yourselves. Y’all fucking suck.” And really, would mass suicide be all that wrong?
NE 30 @ BAL 31 This says it all:
You have no idea how long that bullshit chant lasted for that clip. It was about three minutes. And then there was this:
That is absolutely all you need to know about this game.
GB 12 @ SEA 14 FUCKING BURRRRNN GOODELL. If fucking zombies became the referees they would at least apply a consistent standard on the field (BRAINS). The last call of the game wasn’t even the worst call of the night (the phantom pass interference call on Sidney Rice or the non-holding call on Bruce Irvin were worse). And now my Seattle Seahawks will forever be linked to Goodell’s Water..hole. Whatever. FUCK GOODELL.
I wish the Seahawks lost the game now. It would have been better in the long run. Look at the outrage that came out of this – this brave man finally had the courage to DO WHAT HAD TO BE DONE:
“[I] went to the NFL offices hoping there would be some kind of demonstration or at least angry presence. After sitting out there for about an hour…I hocked two loogies (the first one didn’t take too great) onto the NFL headquarters building.”
AMERICAN HERO. He should have driven a car through the front office and BURNED ROGER GOODELL but…spitting’s good too I guess. We need more SELFLESS MARTYRS like this unnamed dude to follow in his footsteps. You think you can fuck over the NFL, Goodell? Well, no longer. One man spit at you. Then two. NOW WE ALL SPIT. OUR PHLEM WILL COMBINE TO PUT AN END TO YOU ALL. Soon we will have a ball of spit so bit WE WILL BLACK OUT THE SUN. And you will beg for mercy. Oh, how you will beg. FOR NOTHING. WE WILL FEED YOU TO THE LIONS, by which we mean the Detroit Lions. NDAMAKUN SUH WILL TASTE FLESH, AND YOU WILL BE POWERLESS TO FINE HIM. RISE UP, BROTHERS. THE REVOLUTION BEGINS TONIGHT.
/It’s midnight and I am still at work